Part Seven: Creating Embryos and the Numbers Game

Embryo creation is a passive (for you) but stressful process. If you are fertilizing your eggs right away, the lab will get to work immediately after your surgery. They fertilize the mature eggs, watch to see which ones are still developing after six days, and then take a biopsy for genetic testing (optional) before sticking them in the freezer, and will report on how many pass each step. Again, you can expect to lose 50% at each step of fertilization, blastocysts, and genetic testing.

I was hoping for like three embryos. Even after I found out they retrieved 32 eggs, I was so afraid, following Amy Schumer’s example, that I’d end up with only one viable embryo. It’s all a crapshoot and I didn’t feel safe with the number until I got the embryos back from genetic testing. 

My numbers were super high, beyond my wildest expectations at every step. Don’t use this as a point of comparison.

Here were my numbers:

32 eggs retrieved - This is so many eggs! I was happy about this. (Note that, following the 50% loss rule, I could expect maybe 4 genetically normal embryos at the end)

26 mature eggs, 25 fertilized - This is still so many! My mom started getting attached to them at this point, I still thought of them as cells. 

11 blastocysts - After six very long days, I found out that 11 embryos had developed sufficiently to send to genetic testing. I knew I wouldn’t get the results for three weeks so I just put them out of my mind. 

10 genetically normal embryos - My results came back a full two weeks early with some unexpectedly great news: 10 viable embryos! Four females and six males. This is the point I finally let myself become a little excited and the embryos became actual people to me. I wanted to show everyone my chart from the lab like it was a picture of my children.

You will get a score from the lab with some numbers about how good your embryos are. Each lab is different on how they grade these, so you should talk to your lab to help you interpret the results.

Here are my embryo scores:

Biopsy Day - This indicates whether the embryo sufficiently developed by Day 5 or Day 6 (D5/D6). Day 5 embryos are generally better than Day 6. 

Embryo Results/Sex - This indicates if embryo has all of its chromosomes (euploid) and the sex.

Morphology - This is the most important measure. Here’s a great explainer on this. Basically the first number is how big the cell is (1-6 with 6 being the biggest), the first letter is the quality of the inner cell mass (A-C, A being best), and the second letter is the quality of the placenta (A-C, A being best). In order of importance, they go: inner cell mass, placenta quality, cell size. That said, a lot of these grades are subjective (i.e. up to the discretion of the embryologist as opposed to based on specific measures) and even lower-quality embryos can still result in a live birth. 

Mitoscore Value - This measures how much mitochondrial (yes, the powerhouse of the cell) DNA is in the embryo. Less mitochondrial DNA = higher chance of implantation. So, a lower number is better here — <20 is best but <25 is still good. My embryologist said this number isn’t super important and is only used as a tiebreaker.

The excitement over the large number of embryos then turned into a little bit of oh-god-what-do-I-do-with-all-of-these panic.

My friends’ suggestions:

  • Form a cult (tempting)

  • Form a soccer team

  • Sell them on the black market (definitely illegal, btw)

  • Implant them all and become the next Octomom (no thx)

I felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of embryos. I was glad that it seemed unlikely that I would have to do another round of IVF, because egg retrieval was obviously not my favorite, but… what the hell. Ten??? I only wanted one child because I can’t deal with being outnumbered (I also live in a two-bedroom, one-bath house), and my doctor had estimated a 65-80% success rate per transfer for me, so 10 seemed really excessive.

Before you start IVF, you have to sign paperwork indicating what you want to do with any leftover embryos, and I asked to donate mine to other couples for extremely selfish reasons (I think I’m awesome, and I think more of me is good). The embryos are still mine so I don’t have personal experience here, but unfortunately I believe if you donate them, you have to be an anonymous donor. If it turns out I have other biological children out there someday, that’s gonna be wild. 

So around this time, the Dobbs decision was happening in the U.S., meaning there was a lot of uncertainty about whether or not these embryos counted as people in certain states and therefore could not be destroyed. Since I opted to donate mine rather than destroy them, I was not overly worried about this particular part of the decision (everything else though — extremely worried). The lab storing my embryos also sent out an email saying that the embryos do not become subject to these laws until they are put inside a body, although I have my doubts about how they can say that so authoritatively when it still feels like the wild west out here. I have been procrastinating on a section about my feelings and mindset going through this process, for obvious reasons (Who wants to talk about feelings?? Not me.) but I will go into that more next time.

Part One: The Lead-up and the Tests
Part Two: Choosing a Sperm Donor
Part Three: The IUIs
Part Four: Getting Started with IVF and Finding a Clinic
Part Five: Insurance Hell and IVF Costs
Part Six: Egg Retrieval and Needles Galore
Part Eight: ~*fEEliNgS*~

Part Five: Insurance Hell and IVF Costs

First of all, I feel incredibly lucky that my employer covers any of this at all, especially since I am part time there (shout out to Vox Media!). That said, anytime you have to deal with insurance, it will make you want to stab yourself and/or others, so just mentally prepare for lots of stress.

The big lesson I learned is that your company’s HR department/benefits coordinator will likely be able to help you with questions if you are getting nowhere with your insurance. I started asking Cigna about my benefits back in December, and was told by customer service that I didn’t have coverage for the main services of IVF (egg retrieval/embryo transfer), which was part of why I went down the road with Fora for so long. However, my benefits coordinator verified for me that I did have coverage for those procedures, and even offered to have Cigna call the clinic to tell them that. 

The takeaway here is that your benefits coordinator is going to be the one who really knows what’s up with your benefits. If you are dealing directly with your insurance, ask to talk to the team of infertility specialists. Calling the regular customer service line might not give you correct answers (one person tried to tell me I didn’t have infertility benefits and I just hung up on them). 

The game of hell telephone happens because insurance is terrible for so many reasons. I couldn’t get something in writing of all the fertility services that were covered under our plan — this existed, and they referenced it when I called after I finally learned who to talk to, but they couldn’t share it with me. 

To the credit of the insurance companies, figuring out how much IVF is going to cost is basically impossible on both the doctor side and the insurance side because the exact protocols vary from person to person. You can’t call a clinic and ask for an estimate because they don’t know what services you’ll need, and thus your insurance can’t give you an estimate either. It’s a bad and frustrating system and most of these calls resulted in me on the verge of tears, feeling dumb for not asking the right questions. 

Figuring out costs and insurance BS was by far the most stressful part of IVF for me, which was amplified by having a clinic that wasn’t communicating clearly or promptly. Switching to Aspire with a doctor who listened to me and a clinic that provided an understandable breakdown of costs per procedure made all the difference in this department. 

That said, my insurance did provide pretty great coverage, and I am extremely thankful for that.

Okay so now let’s talk numbers. 

Like I said, I had already spent about $6,000 by the time I started IVF. Let’s also acknowledge I am in an extremely fortunate situation to be able to afford all of this. (Dear scammers: Please do not take this to mean I am wealthy, I absolutely do not have spare money to give you.)

Here’s the breakdown of costs I got from Aspire for egg retrieval:

  • Patient responsibility (Any expected insurance deductibles/coinsurance): $1,483

  • Patient responsibility (Any exclusions, services not covered by insurance): $4,850

These services were the exclusions that weren’t covered:

  • $150 Medication Teach with Fertility Coach

  • $700 Assisted Hatching

  • $1,500 Embryo Biopsy

  • $2,500 Preimplantation Genetic Screening (PGS/PGT-A)

TOTAL AMOUNT DUE: $6,333

Clearly, doing the genetic testing (biopsy + screening) made IVF significantly more expensive for me. I think if I did not have insurance, this would have been in the realm of $13K (including genetic testing). 

Then, there’s the medications. Here’s where shit got real exciting. 

My medications for egg retrieval cost me $105 out of pocket which is a goddamn miracle. Their wholesale price (what they billed to my insurance) was $15,483. 

However, that is not what they charge you if you are paying for the meds without insurance. The self-pay price was $4,220 because sure. 

So the full cost of what I paid after two years of trying to get pregnant and one round of IVF was around $14K.

Embryo transfer was much less expensive (it’s generally a much less invasive process, which I’ll get into later). The meds were $55 (they billed my insurance $2,131) and my procedure was 100% covered.

Something to check with insurance about is whether or not there’s a lifetime maximum for your infertility benefits. What that means is if there’s a certain amount that you can spend after which your insurance won’t pay anymore. This comes into play with medications because sometimes it makes more sense to pay out of pocket for the meds than take the $15K hit against that lifetime maximum. 

Anyway, if you want to see my ongoing cost spreadsheet, that’s here.

Part One: The Lead-up and the Tests
Part Two: Choosing a Sperm Donor
Part Three: The IUIs
Part Four: Getting Started with IVF and Finding a Clinic
Part Six: Egg Retrieval and Needles Galore
Part Seven: Creating Embryos and the Numbers Game
Part Eight: ~*fEEliNgS*~

Part Three: The IUIs

With tests passed and donor sperm in a freezer somewhere, it was time to actually try to get pregnant. Because I seemingly did not have any infertility issues, we started with IUIs. 

Picture of a turkey baster

Note: This is not actually what they use for IUIs.

The explainer:

IUI (intrauterine insemination) is kind of like a fancier, more exact version of a turkey baster. The specific IUI procedure involves the doctor running a catheter into your uterus when you ovulate and injecting sperm in (for IUIs, semen is “washed” to get rid of the other stuff in semen and keep only the sperm).

The advantage of IUIs is that they are much cheaper and less invasive than IVF (about $2,000 per try, including sperm purchase). The downside is they are much less effective — success rates depend on age and fertility but usually fall in the 10-20% range. 

The entire IUI process is easy and relatively painless. You’ll have an ultrasound on the an early day of your period (day 2, 3, or 4) to make sure your uterus/ovaries don’t have any cysts and look okay. You take medication (in my case it was Femara — didn’t really have any side effects on it) for five days to encourage your ovaries to produce more than one egg. You’ll have another ultrasound around day 10 to see how things are developing. Because I didn’t have any problems ovulating, my doctor just had me do at-home ovulation tests but some people will do trigger shots to make them ovulate.

(A note on ovulation tests: these come in idiot-proof smiley face versions, which are like $36 for 10, or a two-lines version, which are $29 for 100. Being an insane person, I used the two-lines versions when I got close to ovulation and the smiley face version to confirm.) 

When you get a positive ovulation test (🙂), you call the office and come in the next day for your IUI. The actual IUI procedure was totally painless for me. It takes about two minutes, feels about like getting your annual exam, and then afterwards you lie down for 10 minutes for, uh, obvious reasons.

Two weeks later, you go into a lab to get a blood draw for your pregnancy test. You’re supposed to treat these two weeks as if you’re pregnant — mentally this in-between period is a pretty harrowing time because humans can’t handle uncertainty.

The general consensus with IUIs seems to be that there are diminishing returns after your third or fourth attempt, and you should switch to IVF after that. Some clinics will let you do IUI ad infinitum which seems very suspect to me, so it’s definitely something to ask when looking for a clinic.

My experience:

Unlike my mental self, which is permanently set to “random,” I have a clockwork-exact 28-day cycle and I kept ovulating on Saturdays. This meant that instead of seeing my normal doctor, a woman, I had to go in and see whoever was on call that weekend, which was always a man, which made me feel uncomfortable. For the first IUI in particular, I had a doctor with zero bedside manner. He had to use a different kind of catheter to do the IUI but there wasn’t one in the room. While the nurse ran to get it, we just sat silently in the room with my legs splayed, making zero attempt at smalltalk. It was unimaginably awkward.

I did my first IUI in July 2021 and it was not successful. I was okay with this. Logically, I knew the chances were low, so I was a little sad, but not a big deal. 

They upped my Femara dose and I did my second IUI in August and it was not successful. I was not okay with this. Apparently two IUIs was enough to make me feel like I was a failure at being fertile. I was very sad for about two days.

I did my third IUI in December. At that point, I knew that in the new year I would have new insurance that would cover IVF, even without prior IUIs. I did not have high hopes for another round of this thing that already hadn’t worked twice, but I had a vial of sperm sitting around and I was still hoping I could avoid IVF so I figured I might as well use it.

Getting to my third IUI was a shitshow. Per usual, I was going in on a Saturday and I had one of the last appointments of the day at 1:30 p.m. I went to my car to drive to the appointment and — it wouldn’t start. I freaked out and called an Uber to take me to the clinic. My Uber driver, who was not wearing a mask when Omicron was starting to rear its head, had a hacking cough I got to enjoy frequently throughout the journey, which took significantly longer because the man was apparently unable to follow directions on Google Maps. I finally got to the clinic a mere five minutes late for my appointment, they did the thing, and then I had to call an Uber home. Of course, it was the same driver. 

I was feeling extremely negative about this experience and thought my IUI was cursed. My friend switched my perspective by saying, “If it works, won’t it be a hilarious story to tell your child?”

That did help, but of course, it didn’t work. 

After my third round, as expected, my doctor recommended switching to IVF, and this is when shit started getting real. 

By the way, at this point, I had spent about $6,000 trying to get pregnant.

Part One: The Lead-up and the Tests
Part Two: Choosing a Sperm Donor
Part Four: Getting Started with IVF and Finding a Clinic
Part Five: Insurance Hell and IVF Costs
Part Six: Egg Retrieval and Needles Galore
Part Seven: Creating Embryos and the Numbers Game
Part Eight: ~*fEEliNgS*~

Part Two: Choosing a Sperm Donor

There are several sperm banks you can choose from and they are more or less the same except that some give you different information about the donor. Either way, you get to feel like a total creep knowing way too much information about someone’s life (think: their entire family’s heights/weights/medical diagnoses/causes of death), not to mention you’re generally looking at pictures of children in order to buy their future sperm.

Speaking of feeling like a total creep, there are Facebook groups where you can connect with your “donor siblings” — i.e. other people who have children by the same sperm donor. They often will not let you into the group unless you have a live birth, because there’s a lot of people trying to “preview” what your donor contributes to their children, which is kind of creepy. However, it can be nice to find community here.

By the way, did I mention that sperm is expensive? And we’re in a sperm shortage (especially if you want a Black donor)? Donors get paid somewhere around $150 and their sperm sells for 10x that. Granted, the sperm has to go through all kinds of tests and washing, but still, damn.

Oh, and it’s not just the sperm. Since the vials are frozen, you have to pay for either overnight or two-day shipping, which is around $400 or $200, respectively, and definitely not stressful at all when you are having it delivered to Texas in July.

Anyway, back to the sperm banks. Whatever bank you go with, I would recommend signing up for their new donor alerts since donors often sell out fast and also their descriptions of donors are hilarious.

Fairfax Cryobank

I started with a donor from this bank because it was the easiest to Google. They have a lot of information available about their donors — I would argue most sperm banks give you far more information that you ever want to know (e.g.: astrological sign, favorite animal, etc.). However, one critical thing they offer is a clip of the person’s voice. I had no idea how important this was until I heard the voice of this 6’, hazel-eyed donor with a Master’s degree. 

Xytex

The other donors I used were from Xytex for the simple reason that you can see pictures of the donors as an adult for 30 days when you sign up for a free account. I learned very quickly that this was important to me — cute babies do not necessarily grow into cute adults!!! — but I know other people get squicked out by seeing actual pictures of the adult donor (or in some cases…the clearly-still-in-college donor whose sperm is going inside you). It feels very weird to be 35 and choosing a donor who is still in his early 20s but, you know, whatever works. 

You can also read a fairly lengthy essay from the donor which, as a writer, is ultimately how I chose my current (final?) donor from this bank. 

California Cryobank and Seattle Sperm Bank

I don’t really have experience with these, but they exist. 

California Cryobank offers adult pictures, a recorded conversation, thorough essays, etc. but most are for an additional fee ($145 or $250 for 90 days). 

Sperm Bank of California

This one is popular with other SMBCs because they limit family size to 10, whereas with other banks that “limit family size to 25” (quotes for skepticism, as it’s self-reported and no one monitors this) it’s very possible to have 100 donor siblings. Sperm Bank of California does not have anonymous donors, is a nonprofit, and generally seems fairly ethical. If I could go back in time, I might choose them.

My experience:

The million-dollar question — how did I choose a donor? (Yes, obviously there was a spreadsheet.)

My criteria were basically:

  • Over 6’ tall (later changed to 5’11)

  • Blue, green, or hazel eyes

  • Seemed like an interesting and good person

  • Voice does not give me the heebie jeebies (added in after Fairfax experience)

Someone recently pointed out to me that I was essentially looking for myself and what can I say, I am a perfect specimen. 

With this criteria, I initially emerged with one (1) donor from Fairfax. 

While there was only one donor I actually liked, I was hesitant to buy more than one vial for my first round of IUI. I was feeling lucky! What if it worked?

(Spoiler alert — it did not, and by the time I went to buy more, the donor was no longer in the program.) 

Despite my friends joking that dick is not in short supply, sperm definitely is — and, again, it’s expensive ($1000+ per vial). I recently watched one donor who was 6’ with a Master’s degree ($1495 per vial) sell out all 25 vials in two hours.  

For the second two rounds of IUI, I used a different donor (and bought two vials that time).

For IVF, I spent more time exploring my donor options. I ended up with a third donor, basically because nothing had worked up until that point and why not switch things up. I was concerned because he hadn’t updated his medical history since 2013, which likely means he hadn’t donated since then, and I didn’t know if it was bad for sperm to sit on ice for that long. While I do think this donor is cute, I ultimately chose him because his essay is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever read, and it makes me feel like he is a good person.

So, here he is, my donor:

I have a picture of him as an adult but I feel weird including it.

My advice: 

If you are committed to pursuing pregnancy and find a donor you like, do not wait to buy vials assuming that they will always be there or will come back in stock. That said, you do not need to immediately buy a whole bunch of vials — my doctor told me to buy two, and that feels right to me in terms of cost and hedging your bets. Some sperm banks will give you a refund of half of what you paid for the vial, but only if it hasn’t been shipped (you’re also stuck with another risk calculation there — you can ship multiple vials at once, but then you can’t get a refund).

IUI uses one vial per round to hopefully create one pregnancy, whereas IVF uses one vial to create many embryos (hopefully). If you are doing IVF, they don’t need as much sperm, so it’s worth asking if they’re willing to try doing a “sperm shave.” This means they will defrost part of the vial so you can use it again.

Okay, tests, check, sperm, check. It’s time to get started.

Part One: The Lead-up and the Tests
Part Three: The IUIs
Part Four: Getting Started with IVF and Finding a Clinic
Part Five: Insurance Hell and IVF Costs
Part Six: Egg Retrieval and Needles Galore
Part Seven: Creating Embryos and the Numbers Game
Part Eight: ~*fEEliNgS*~

Part One: The Lead-up and the Tests

The most popular article I’ve ever written was about my having babies. 30 And Not Pregnant: How My Biological Clock Is Freaking Me Out (title not mine) was published on Elite Daily in 2015. In it, I wrote about how I’m the last of my family and how I had realized that in order to continue to have a family that would know my parents, I would have to reproduce. The article garnered hundreds of thousands of views and some 25,000 shares, not that I was counting (obsessively, every day). I got paid $0 for baring my soul. Hooray exposure. 

Five years later, staring down my 35th birthday, I made an appointment at a fertility clinic that I chose via Google. I met with a nice doctor who talked me through the process: first, we’d run a bunch of tests. Then, we’d try intrauterine insemination (IUI) aka sophisticated turkey baster, which has a small (10-20%) chance of working. Then, if necessary, we’d try IVF — a two-step, three month process with lots of needles. I was hoping we wouldn’t get to that point. 

But before anything else, I had to do the tests, starting with a transvaginal ultrasound in the office to check out my ovaries. You will get extremely used to these. 

The explainer:

Here are the other tests I did:

HSG 

This is the most invasive test. It’s done between day 5 and 10 of your period. They basically shoot dye into your uterus and then take an x-ray to make sure that everything is shaped correctly and your Fallopian tubes aren’t blocked. There is a small risk of puncturing your uterus during this process, which is not what you want to hear when you’re about to try to put a baby in there. You also have to take preventative antibiotics to make sure you don’t get an infection which, again, is a scary thing to hear, but not as bad as the puncturing part. 

The HSG does not feel pleasant, but just when I started to think, “Wait, this really sucks,” they finished. Also, just FYI the dye that goes in has to come out somehow — so prepared to feel very sticky all day.

Fun fact: The closest place available for me to do this test was a children’s hospital, so I had to get my uterus imaged at a place where I was the oldest patient by 25 years, in a room with dinosaurs on the wall and shit. The staff were very nice and said it was the third one they’d done that day. 

The rest of the tests are blood draws. After my last blood draw, I was trying to be coy with the lab tech and said, “Whew, glad those are done with!” without mentioning why I was doing all these tests. The tech was like, “Honey, if you’re trying to get pregnant, you’re going to get real used to getting your blood drawn.” (She was very right.)

Ovarian Assessment

This has to be done on day 2 or 3 of your cycle. Mine was called Reprosource. Your ovaries basically get a grade on a scale of 1-20. To write this, I actually looked at my report to see what that means — it’s apparently the chances that you’ll be able to retrieve five or more eggs with stimulation if you do IVF (more on this later). Mine got a score of 14 which is fine for my age — at the time I just assumed my ovaries got a B, which is respectable.

Genetic Testing

This is an easy one because it can be done anytime. After you get your results, you’re supposed to remember that you’re a carrier for medium chain acyl-CoA dehydrogenase deficiency when you choose a sperm donor, assuming they have also been tested for that. So, it’s of mixed usefulness.

Infectious Disease Testing

This has to be done before doing an IUI and updated every so often. It’s to make sure you don’t have a disease that could be passed to your newborn. 

They also screen for CMV (cytomegalovirus). If you are negative, you can only use negative donors, or you risk birth defects (most commonly hearing loss). If you are positive, you can use any donor. Fun fact: I apparently had an active CMV infection at the time of my test which is super rare! So I had to wait for that to clear, which could take a few months, before I could get started.

IgG/M Testing

These test the antibodies present in your blood — possibly to test for toxoplasmosis? At this point I was pretty much handing out vials of my blood without asking questions. 

Counseling

While not a medical test per se, my clinic required that I speak to a counselor about using a sperm donor (this is optional at some clinics). My conversation with her was less, “Are you sane enough to be a mother?” and more, “Let’s think through different scenarios that could come up for you.” 

The counselor asked me questions like what would I tell my child about using a sperm donor, did I want to have an anonymous or known donor and what would the implications of that be for my child, how would having this child affect my future family plans, etc. She also disclosed that she had conceived with IUI so I was super psyched to talk to her about her experience. The session was twice as expensive as my regular therapist, but it was helpful and encouraging.  

My experience: 

Despite all of these tests being laid out on a very handy sheet by my doctor, I lost some time at the testing stage by not doing the right tests at the right point in my cycle, and having to wait another month to repeat them at the right point in my cycle. The process is a lot to juggle but this is just the intro to being on top of your shit so you will get better at it. (If there’s one thing I can say about trying to get pregnant, it made me a lot better at managing what’s going on — asking the right questions, having clear steps, etc.)

So that was the first round of tests. I passed everything. Hooray. But, by the time I found that out, I had started dating someone and was holding out hope for, you know, love from more than one person to be involved in creating a child. 

One year and a tearful breakup later, I was back at the clinic. Great news — I didn’t have to repeat any of my tests (not even infectious disease testing, which actually seems a little sketch in retrospect). 

This time I actually ordered sperm and was ready to go. How did I choose a sperm donor, you ask?

Part Two: Choosing a Sperm Donor
Part Three: The IUIs
Part Four: Getting Started with IVF and Finding a Clinic
Part Five: Insurance Hell and IVF Costs
Part Six: Egg Retrieval and Needles Galore
Part Seven: Creating Embryos and the Numbers Game
Part Eight: ~*fEEliNgS*~

My No-BS Journey of Trying to Conceive as a Single Mother by Choice

The first thing that I will tell you is that you can do this. 

It’s going to be hard, but you can do it. Find your mantra that makes you feel stronger — for me it was “I can do this” — and repeat it to yourself when shit gets hard. 

The second thing I will tell you, is that when I went into my first fertility clinic, I was handed this folder.

My Favorite Articles on the Internet

Long time, no see.

See it’s funny, because my eyes are closed here.

See it’s funny, because my eyes are closed here.

When I started this site, I would share a roundup of everything I had published that week, plus a few other links that I thought were interesting. I feel like that was actually a pretty good format, although a recap of my bylines these days would be a rather interesting mix (anyone want to read about a Texas winemaker and also how to incorporate data analytics at a law firm?).

Anyway, I miss the aspect of sharing interesting links, so, for my own purposes, this blog post will serve as a central repository of my favorite articles on the internet, 100% not by me. Yes, I realize this could be a Google Doc or something but this is my blog and I do what I want. Plus, who knows, maybe “Erin Russell’s Favorite Articles on the Internet” is good for SEO.

All-Time Favorite Articles on the Internet:

Italy by Antonio Elefano (The Journal Magazine)
A beautiful love story that captivates from the first line to the ending refrain. Also responsible for my view on love: “My mother had always told me marriage was the covenant of witnessing another’s life. I could observe you forever.”

It Will Look Like a Sunset by Kelly Sundberg (Guernica Magazine)
I appreciate about this story because it captures the intricacies of an abusive relationship. I’ve sent it to those “Why don’t you just leave?” people because it lays out so plainly how the abuse isn’t the full story.

A journey into my colon — and yours by Dave Barry (Miami Herald)
Dave Barry was my first introduction to humor writing, which may explain a lot. Though this article is behind a paywall now, I guarantee you it is worth two of your favorite dollars to read.

Here Are the Grossest Things We Could Find on Pinterest by C.A. Pinkham (Jezebel)
Look, I never said all of these were going to be fine writing.

The Great Pizza Orientation Test by Steven Molaro (The Sneeze)
This is the origin of the “None Pizza with Left Beef” meme, which fucking MURDERS me for whatever reason.

Two Medieval Monks Invent Bestiaries by Daniel Mallory Ortberg (The Toast)
You’ll never look at paintings the same way.

Week in Review: Easy Ways to Spice Up Your Relationship by Jordan Ginsberg (Hazlitt)
Looking back at this blog, it’s probably where I got my inspiration for how I structured my recap posts. Anyway, great story about relationships and beans.

Enjoli by Kristi Coulter (Human Parts)
I think about this essay every time I see a “vino + vinyasa” class.

Interview With a Woman Who Recently Had an Abortion at 32 Weeks by Jia Tolentino (Jezebel)
I have always been extremely pro-choice but this article makes me even more so.

The Lonely Death of George Bell by N.R. Kleinfield (New York Times)
We all die alone.

Dirty John by Christopher Goffard (Los Angeles Times)
My absolute favorite of the true crime genre. Edge of your seat the entire wild ride.

Two Medieval Monks Invent Bestiaries by Daniel Lavery (The Toast)
A classic.

That’s all for now. Maybe when I’m feeling more emo I will come back and add more “serious” ones. But look, we are on the home of cat memes, I am not making any promises here.

PS - Remember in my last blog entry when I was excited for 2020? LOL.

Quick Point of Clarification

Hi all! If you're wondering how having two jobs is going, the answer is: I'm still alive somehow! And I've learned I need way less sleep than previously thought.

I feel like there are a lot of misconceptions out there about what I do for Eater Austin. The TL,DR version: My preferred terminology for what I do is food writer.

What I am not:
- An Instagrammer (Have you SEEN my Instagram?! I feel like my phone audibly sighs whenever I open the camera app) 
- A food blogger (Bloggers generally write for themselves, and Eater is a national site)
- A food critic (While I WISH I could write down what I think about food, that's not really what I do for Eater)

What I do: 
- Write about restaurant news (openings, closings, other peoples' reviews)
- Compile lists of restaurants (i.e. "Places to Day Drink") and events
- Other stuff, idk, read the site

Random picture of me:

Because I can't skip tradition.

Selfie between parties

Selfie between parties

We're on a Break

JUST FYI - I know everyone was DESPERATELY waiting for Storytime Wednesday, but I'm putting this writing on hiatus while I adjust to the time commitment of my new job. Thanks for understanding!

Why aren't you eating free food?

A couple of months ago, my friend told me she had been gifted a free box of food from Hello Fresh, a meal delivery service similar to Blue Apron. Upon receiving her free box, she was granted free boxes to send to friends, one of which she sent to her husband. They took the free boxes, canceled their subscriptions, and were emailed with a code for 70% off to entice them to come back. In all, I think they paid something like $50 for six boxes of food. So, naturally, I asked for a referral code. 

I am NOT the kind of person to sign up for a service and then cancel - it seems like a lot of work to get free shit. However, in the meal delivery service world, the free shit is a week's worth of food (and y'all know how I feel about free food), and canceling is super easy (you don't even have to talk to a human! And talking to humans is the worst!). Thus, I've spent the last two months subsisting on my media dinners and free trials of delivery services.

I've found I really enjoy the meal delivery services. Honestly the biggest problem for me, other than some recipes that sucked, is that I'm often not home for dinner enough to make the food. I love to cook, but buying an entire bottle of rice wine vinegar when I only use two tablespoons is annoying, so the portioned meals work well for me. Having the food delivered directly to my door is also a huge plus, and as a #sadsingleperson, the two-serving size means I have lunch for the next day (I am terrible about lunch). I also get to try recipes I might not ordinarily make.

But what I enjoy even more is the FREE-ness of it all. So, here are four delivery services you can try for free (or very cheap!) and what I think of them.

1) Hello Fresh

How to try it for free: 1) Check with friends - after your first box, you get four referrals to give away 2) Walk around Austin - I've seen Hello Fresh people at The Domain and Downtown and I bet they will give you a free trial. 

Cost if you want to continue: $59.94 for 3 meals (2 servings each)

Recipes I tried: Sweet n Spicy Apricot Chicken, Winner Winner Chicken Orzo Dinner, Crusted Dijon Cod, Pump Up the Jam Chicken

The Verdict: 6/10

The first delivery of HelloFresh that I got showed up covered in some kind of mysterious juice - I think the chicken got punctured somehow - and for sure this colored my perception of them forever. I called and they sent me a new box the next week, but that was kind of a big fail on their part. The next box was a big fail on my part - I just wasn't home enough to make all the food. So my third attempt I actually paid for, but HelloFresh is pretty cheap.

The food is basic and simple - a little too basic, if you ask me (like the names of the dishes - holy fuck can you not?). I mean, I get it, Americans love chicken + starch but seriously, enough with the couscous. Even though they were simple, these meals took longer to make than the recipe called for. Granted, this is a factor of the menus I chose, but idk, the other options didn't seem super appealing (meatloaf? pass.). The chicken orzo dinner was great, the cod and the jammed chickens (which are basically the same recipe), less so. Also, if you want steak ever, that's a "premium" option. That said, I did pick up some things (like how to make craveable roasted broccoli) that have stayed with me.

So, after the wonder of having food delivered to my door subsided, I felt pretty meh about HelloFresh. 

2) Sun Basket

How to try it for free: For half off, you can use Google ads, Instagram ads, maybe this link

Cost if you want to continue: $74.93 for 3 meals (2 servings each)

Recipes I tried: Sesame chicken, Black Bean Chilaquiles, Italian Sausage and Peppers with celeriac mash

The Verdict: 6/10

The huge appeal of Sunbasket is they have food to accommodate all dietary needs (Paleo, Gluten Free, etc.) and the produce is organic, non-GMO, and super fresh.

Now, if only the food could taste good. 

Admittedly, this was likely a problem on my end. The sesame chicken on udon just did not turn out - the udon was slimy and there was too much of it. Sausage and peppers was...fine...but it turns out I definitely do not like celeriac root, and did I really want to pay $11.50 for that? That said, the black bean chilaquiles were BOMB AS HELL. 

Looking at the menu now, it seems really delicious and there are lots of options, so it's definitely worth trying, especially if you have special dietary needs. But it's a little bit more expensive than the others and I probably wouldn't recommend it if you're just starting out, as the recipes can be a little tricky.

3) Blue Apron

How you can try it for free: Your friend who gets Blue Apron gets FOUR free boxes to give away with every order, so hit them up. Otherwise, you can get half off your first box. 

Cost if you want to continue: $59.94 for 3 meals (2 servings each)

Recipes I tried: Persian-Style Chicken & Crispy Rice, Creamy Lumaca Rigata Pasta (I was supposed to have steaks too but other free food got in the way)

The Verdict: 8/10

I found out about different delivery services from this BuzzFeed article, which ranks them all, and did not think highly of Blue Apron. Plus, it seemed, I don't know, super basic of me to have Blue Apron delivered.

OH MAN WAS I WRONG. 

That Persian-Style chicken is not something I would cook normally but turned out SO DELICIOUS. Toasting half the rice for a crispy element? GENIUS! The pasta sounded plain but turned out FABULOUS. I felt incredibly fancy and also well-fed. 

So, I was eager to try my next round of Blue Apron. I checked the menu (there are like eight options to choose from each week)...and checked, and checked. I didn't see a weekly menu with three options that I wanted to cook for over a month. So, definitely make sure that you choose a week that sounds appealing to you.

4) Marley Spoon

How to get it for free: I got half off my first two boxes from an Instagram ad, and then got two free boxes to give away. I'm sure you can find similar!

Cost, if you want to continue: $61.50 for 3 meals (2 servings each)

Recipes I tried: Pollock in Tomato Broth, Chicken and Butter Bean Salad, Sirloin Filet & Potatoes; Fried Chicken on a Biscuit, Whole Wheat Noodle Salad

The Verdict: 8/10

Marley Spoon is Martha Stewart's meal delivery service. And let me tell you, Martha got it wrong the first week I ordered. The Pollock in Tomato Broth was weird and the chicken was fine but boring (no complaints about the steak though!). I was mildly dreading my second delivery, when our girl came through in a pinch. 

Y'all. I made (tasty!) biscuits in 5 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I also FRIED CHICKEN, which I've never done before, and it turned out AMAZING. Then the whole wheat noodle salad? I wanted to forward the recipe to all my friends. I'm sad I'm not eating it right now. Another huge plus - the recipes weren't overly fussy, and came together in the time on the recipe card. 

My one minor complaint with Martha is some of the necessary ingredients weren't included. Like, yeah, luckily I had enough oil lying around to fry chicken, but you'd think it wouldn't be too hard for her to send some of that. And when you call for half a stick of butter, that shit should be in my box too. 

 

The biggest lesson from all of this was how much you're at the mercy of the recipes (and how boring chicken can get). If you look at a weekly menu and there aren't 3 recipes you're excited about, DON'T ORDER IT! Going forward, I will likely be alternating between Marley Spoon and Blue Apron on an "every now and then" basis - my life is just too hectic to try to account for three meals at home in one week (which is kind of sad). 

Have you tried meal services? Which ones do you like?

Storytime Wednesday: Three Sicilian Men of Increasing Creepiness - Part 3

While staying in Siracusa, I took a short day trip to Noto for the sole purpose of trying some gelato that was described as, "a taste of Sicily in your mouth" by my guidebook. 

I talked with my B&B, and they advised taking the bus to Noto, since the train station was far outside of town. So, I woke up early in the morning, walked to the bus station in Siracusa, and was met with an abandoned building. Train it was. 

I bought a round-trip ticket, and when I arrived in Noto I was glad I did. The station only had one track in either direction, and there was no ticket machine at the train station, no people working in the booths, no NOTHING - except a schedule taped to the window, which put the last train out of Noto at 17:00. But even this was scratched out and, in pencil, 17:30 was written in its place. If it had been in pen, I would have believed it, but since it was in pencil I decided I should show up at 17:00 and see what happened.

I walked 15 minutes to get into town, and generally enjoyed my day in the tiny city - though unfortunately, I committed the fatal error of ordering the mandarino gelato when the guide had recommended the sorbetto, so I will never truly know what Sicily tastes like. It was gray and misting when I arrived, but by the time I headed back to the train station the sun was shining and I arrived to quite the pastoral scene. There was absolutely no one around, the station overlooked a field dotted with flowers, a dog was sleeping on the tracks, and the sun warmed my shoulders. I sat, drinking in the experience and feeling at peace.

I arrived at 16:45, and at 17:00 I began to suppose that the penciled-in time had been correct. Suddenly, I heard water running. This was quite alarming, as I had been sitting at the station for a significant amount of time, assuming I was alone. A grizzled-looking man stepped out from what I assume were the bathrooms and paused in front of me. He didn't look overtly crazy or homeless, but I was very confused as to what he'd been doing in the bathrooms for 15 minutes. "Ah, you are waiting for the train from Siracusa?" he asked me in Italian. 

"Yes,"I replied defensively.

"Lo sai che non arriva per ancora trenta minuti." You know it doesn't arrive for another 30 minutes.

"Yes, I realize that now."

"Ascolta, ti piace trombare?" Listen, do you like to trombare?

I looked at him blankly.

"Sai cosa vuol dire?" Do you know what that means?

"No, I don't."

"Ah, okay." He walks away.

That was weird, I think to myself. I go back to enjoying the idyllic view, dog continues sleeping on the tracks, a gentle wind blows, etc. Fifteen minutes go by.

Fifteen minutes before my train, the man returns. 

"Ancora aspetti il treno?" You are still waiting for the train?

"Yes."

"Lo sai che ci sono ancora 15 minuti." You know there are still 15 minutes.

"Yes." I am irritated with him at this point.

"Ascolta...ti piace scopare?"

This word I knew. I was in Italy to teach English at a high school, and on the first day, I had chaperoned a field trip for a class of all boys. One of them used a word around me and the rest looked at me, frozen, expecting to be disciplined, but I didn't know the words. Upon realizing that I didn't know the parolacce (curse words), they immediately started writing them all down for me. They didn't know how to say, "What do you like to do?" but they definitely knew how to say, "Fuck you." And they taught me that scopare, which literally means "to sweep," also means "to fuck." 

But, scopare sounds like a bunch of other words. Scoprire, for example, which means "to find." I made a face at him.

"Sai cosa vuol dire?" Do you know what it means?

"I think so...it's a bad word, right?"

"No noooooo... non e' una parolaccia." No, it's not a bad word!

"Ah, then I don't know what it means."

"OK. Mi fai un pompino?" OK. Will you give me a blowjob?

That word I knew, and there was no mistaking it. I looked at him with a mixture of shock, disgust, and confusion. "NO!"

"Eh, ho provato." Eh, I tried. And with that he left.

When I returned to Milan and told people this story, they laughed at me. They said that he was a crazy person, and they told me not to go to Sicily by myself. And I laughed too, because I didn't know what else to do. When I first told this story, I'd tell it like it was this big joke, like it was so funny.

But it's not funny. I had to sit there, at the train station far outside of town, where no one could hear my screams, for fifteen minutes of pure, elongated terror, praying the man would not come back. I was so scared that I was shaking, nonstop, my phone clenched in my hand with the emergency number dialed. But what could they do? Could I even relay my situation in Italian, could the police get there in time?

This was the second truly dangerous situation that happened to me in Italy, and the same thing happened when I was assaulted - the people I told laughed, they told me I should have known better. I'm really lucky that nothing happened, but remember - I speak the language. I was living there. I'm not some tourist with a fanny pack on.

People have a tendency to romanticize Italy, and I absolutely agree that it's a beautiful place, but I always fight them a little bit to try to make them understand it's not perfect, and I think this is why. La dolce vita has a lot of problems: bureaucracy, the mafia, an older population, and a lack of modern methods. But it also has a big problem with aggressive men, and it's something I repeatedly felt threatened by during my time there with a frequency I've never felt in the US.

So no, this story is not a joke. It wasn't fucking funny.

Storytime Wednesday: Three Sicilian Men of Increasing Creepiness - Part 2

I did a third lap around the streets of Siracusa, since trying to find a place open for dinner on a Sunday was proving to be difficult. All the places listed in my trusty guidebook were closed, at at this point I was just stalling the inevitable of having to eat at an unknown and therefore terrifying place. On my final trip through the same streets, a restaurant proprietor called out to me, "Hey, I've seen you walk by three times. Do you like mussels?" I didn't, but he offered me bread, wine, and mussels for 10 euro (in Milan, where I was living, this was the price for approximately two pieces of lettuce), and, not wanting to think about dinner anymore, I acquiesced. We exchanged the usual pleasantries as he seated me on the patio outside, and when he brought over the bread, he pointed to the man two tables over from me, "You know, he speaks English."

I ended up talking to this older stranger (given his gray hair, I'd put him around 45), speaking loudly across the two tables until he moved his seat over to me. He spoke English pretty well, had the owner bring over some good wine, and as far as I was concerned he was my new best friend for the evening, which had taken a significant turn for the better. During the conversation, he mentioned how I should come live with him and teach him English in exchange for rent, but I was used to Italians saying a bunch of shit they don't mean, so I brushed it off. He said he was meeting with some friends for pizza the next day, and we exchanged numbers to meet up. The part that I did find creepy though was when, as we were walking out of the restaurant, he asked me what my sign was, and then said, "Ah, a Gemini! Your sign is trouble... my exgirlfriend was a Gemini - she was about your age (22), too." Yeah, OK, weird that you had a girlfriend who was so much younger, but whatever.

The next day, I went to Noto for the SOLE REASON that I heard there was a gelateria there that was, "a taste of Sicily in your mouth," but more on Noto in the next chapter of this tale. Suffice to say, I came back from my journey a little shaken, and was glad to not be on my own for dinner this night.

My new friend had texted me the pizza location, and mentioned that he would be with people who spoke English. I arrive at the pizza place and find: 1) The Italian man I met the night before 2) His Italian friend, who spoke no English 3&4) Two women from the Czech Republic, who speak great English. I thought it was pretty crazy that there were Czech women living in Sicily, but whatever. There was a very odd group dynamic here, but I couldn't quite figure out what was going on - my "friend" is shamelessly hitting on the women, who are married - suggesting a romantic walk around the Old City after dinner. I find myself mostly talking to his friend in Italian, who seems a bit moody since he can't join in the (English) conversation.

After we finish our pizzas, the two men go outside to smoke, and I ask the women how they met the guy who invited me. "Oh, we just met him today, walking around the city." I'm very innocent and a little incredulous as I realize that he's creeping on married women, but they say they know what he's trying and they're playing the game to get free food but they are, y'know, married, and have no desire to let anything further unfold. 

So now I'm wondering how I came to befriend and agree to dinner with the town's skeezy foreign-woman Casanova, and I'm trying to think of how to get myself out of this extremely awkward situation, when the guy comes back and says - in Italian so the women can't understand - "Erin, we're going to take a walk around the city now...but just the adults, ok?" 

"FINE BY ME!" I say, and get the hell out of there, chuckling to myself at how these dudes are about to strike out big time. 

I leave very early the next morning, and shortly after my train pulls out of the city, my phone starts blowing up. It's my "friend," saying that I am so beautiful and he never should have let me leave Siracusa and how I should come back because he was serious about me living with him and that he would take me on a motorcycle ride through the countryside of Sicily and blah blah blah. He kept calling and probably sent me 20 texts to this effect, as if he had not dismissed me to hit on some married women less than 12 hours earlier. I politely declined the first text, and then deleted the shit out of everything else. 

Recap: It's Summer and My Mind is Melting

I think my new favorite phrase lately has been hoo-boy. As in, "Hoo-boy, it's been a while since I've done a recap, so buckle in for some readin'." Highly underused phrase.

I have a lot going on with work-work, which leaves little time to produce #content/write for free on my blog. I'm really glad that I have a job where I'm using so much of my brain though, even if it is a little scary that someone put me in charge of stuff. 

Plus, per usual, I'm avoiding my problems. But, since it's been a good eight months since I bared my heart on the page, probably time to change that. Working on it. 

THINGS I PUBLISHED "RECENTLY:"

Storytime Wednesdays:
How/Why I Moved to Italy
In case you were wondering

Why My Mom is Amazing
Just in time for Mother's Day, awww.

The Creepy Men Series:
Athens
Sicily, Part 1 (Part 2 coming tomorrow)

 8 Spots to Cool Off With Frosé in Austin (Eater Austin) 
This one blew the fuck up, because - who knew? - people like frozen pink drinks. 

Where to Sip Cocktails Poolside in Austin (Eater Austin) 
Equally important to staying cool this summer.

Where to Work Out and Drink at the Same Time in Austin (Eater Austin) 
I recently went out with someone who hadn't heard the phrase "detox and retox" before lololol we're all alcoholics. Anyway, go read because I WORKED REALLY HARD ON PUTTING THIS TOGETHER. 

Your Guide to the Best Happy Hours in Austin by Neighborhood (Austin Way)
HINT HINT for anyone who would like to take me out for a drink, for whatever reason.
 
5 Austin Brunch Spots for Every Mom on Mother's Day (Austin Way)
My family went to Jacoby's, which is not on this list, but was pretty darn good (though WHERE DID THE BUNNIES GO???).
 
Book Your Next Staycation at Any One of These Luxe Penthouses in Austin (Austin Way) 
Ever wondered what the inside of penthouses look like?

8 Irresistible Frozen Cocktails to Keep You Cool This Season (Austin Way) 
It's hot. Drinks are frozen. Simple solution.

Oh, and I was on the Feedbak podcast talking about dating. You can listen to me laugh nervously and tell inappropriate stories here. There's also a video somewhere. The good news is, no reading required! Hooray!

INTERESTING THINGS FROM OTHER PEOPLE:

A GoFundMe Campaign Is Not Health Insurance (The Nib)
Sometimes, it makes me angry that we actually have to specify this.

The Writer's Process (The New Yorker)
"My experience of writing is a giddy, pleasurable one, and does not feel like being trapped inside a cage that is on fire."

When Your Child is a Psychopath (The Atlantic)
Not that my parents ever needed this...right mom and dad? RIGHT???

My Family's Slave (The Atlantic)
I'm sure everyone read this already, but incredible story worth reading again. The Atlantic killed it last month.

OBLIGATORY RANDOM PICTURE OF ME:

Last year, I went to the W Hotel's pool party and it was the absolute greatest. So when they announced that they were doing it again this year, I could not WAIT - and the party did not disappoint. I started the day with a class from The Barre Code (I work out 3 or 4 times a week and I was expecting some ballet-based class to be a walk in the park but THAT SHIT IS HARD, YO), then we had brunch (DUCK CHILAQUILES. I REPEAT, DUCK CHILAQUILES), and then finally, the party, where this glorious moment was captured by A Taste of Koko (which, PS, read her article about how much it costs to be a blogger): 

Life is grand.

Life is grand.

Storytime Wednesday: Three Sicilian Men of Increasing Creepiness - Part 1

The first vacation I booked while living in Italy was a trip to Sicily by myself. I ignored warnings from my students that it wasn't safe because I was told they have the best desserts in Italy and I have an infinite capacity to consume sweets. My first thought when planning the trip was that I'd take the long, romantic train ride through Italy to get to Sicily, but once I found out I could fly there for half the cost and 1/10th the time, I opted for the more modern route. I booked a flight on Air Italy, which none of my Italian friends had ever heard of, so I showed up at the airport unsure if there would be a flight or if this was some kind of elaborate hoax. Luckily, I got on a plane that whisked me off to Siracusa, the subject of my next blog post, and then I took the train to Catania before flying back to Napoli on the main land. This is the story of Catania.

As I mentioned, everyone had told me I was totally insane to go to Sicily by myself, and having more or less confirmed their fears at this point, I was a little on edge. For this part of the trip, I had booked a hostel, which is totally unlike me due to a scarring hostel experience to be addressed later, but, like me, I booked a single room all to myself. The hostel itself was totally awesome - it was right in the city center and had built an underground restaurant in a natural grotto, complete with a small stream running through. 

The hostel was next to a fish market, meaning the surrounding area stunk to high heaven. While it was kind of cool to see things like this:

Those are not silver belts.

Those are not silver belts.

It was slightly more disconcerting to see things like, a guy carrying A QUARTER OF A COW through the market ON HIS SHOULDERS. 

Or to see/smell the leftovers at the end of the day. (Though it did make it easy to find the hostel - just follow the stench!)

Given the surrounding grossness, I more or less arrived in Catania, dropped my bags, and left immediately to spend the day in Taormina. I returned to Catania close to nightfall, and despite being painfully (PAINFULLY) shy, decided I should go have a drink. My first attempt was at the hostel grotto bar, but I got too nervous being there by myself and left before ordering anything. Armed with a map labeled by the hostel concierge, I decided to just walk through the city until I found a bar. 

I walked for about ten minutes until I arrived at the area by the university, but there were no bars to be found. At this point it was night, and I was wandering through the streets of Catania alone, holding a map - you know, like the locals do. After a few minutes, I realized a man was following me. He was probably in his 40s, with graying hair. I crossed the street and kept walking, not necessarily knowing where I was going. The area I was walking into started to have more and more dead ends, and I noticed that most of the streetlights were out. The man continued to follow me, and I started to panic. I decided a drink was wholly unnecessary and quickly walked back in the direction of the hostel, but then the man yelled at me to stop. 

"What are you doing?" he asked me. I replied that I was just walking around, and he stopped me and said, "Are you crazy? Catania is not safe at night for a girl by herself. All those streetlights that were out? The mafia does that." At this point I was shaking and close to tears - he saw that he was scaring me and asked where I was from. I told him I was in Catania on vacation and had wanted to find a bar for a drink but now I just wanted to go home. 

"You want to have a drink? I will take you to have a drink."

I thanked him for his offer (which was more hospitable than creepy) but explained that really I just wanted to go back to the hostel (also I didn't want to have a drink with someone old enough to be my dad). He insisted on following me back to my hostel to make sure I got home okay, and at this point I trusted him enough to do that. Once I was safely deposited at the door, he waved goodbye and I retreated to my room, locked the door, and left the next morning.

You may be shaking your head at this point, thinking to yourself that I've got this backwards, that a man following me through the pitch-black streets of Catania couldn't possibly be the least creepy Sicilian man of the trip.

Yeah. More to come next week.